Whether it’s the first year or the twentieth, our loved ones are still missed at the holidays. We want them to be remembered, we want their name spoken, we want memories of them shared. Our friends and relatives may want to avoid our grief. They may want to avoid us. We remind them of the trauma that we live with every day. We may bring them down. Oh well, we cannot control what other people think or do…So, my advice is this…
If you don’t want to go to the party, don’t. Find a way to get out of it. Tell people the truth…I don’t feel like coming to the party because I am grieving…I don’t want to bring my sad self and end up bringing everyone else down…I’ll feel better by myself (or with whoever)…Please take the rest of my family to the party and let me stay home.
No one can fault you for telling the truth. BUT please know your loved one is with you. You have played such a big part in their life,of course they will always be near.
When my son first crossed over, I questioned, “How can he be at two different places at the same time?”
That’s the oneness. They can. I can’t explain it further and it’s hard to believe, but that “truth” was accepted by me even though my brain can’t comprehend how.
I also accept that I cannot understand it!
People say, “I want my loved one to come into my dream”. But you can’t demand it. You have to allow it. Grief can block the communication. When we dream, we let go of our grief, usually.
It was hard on my son when he did visit. I was so sad, angry, upset…It was hard for him to take. I know that now.
I have processed my grief over the years. I have let go of most of the pain from my loss because I know he is still here the only way he can be ~ in spirit.
Now he can come and there’s no heaviness. He can come now without me feeling sad! This is huge!
Just the other day I was sitting at my favorite park reading a book when a dragonfly came and landed on the page. I was so amazed to see it. It gave me the same feeling I had when Eric used to bring them before he crossed over. (If you have read Dancing With Life, you know the story.) I knew in my heart it was him. The dragonfly stayed on the page and I touched it. I talked to it before it flew off to get a bug. Then it came back, landed on my leg and stayed a long time!
I called my psychic friend and she said, “Yes, it’s easier for him to come now. It was hard for him before”. I realized she was right.
I said all that to justify this…Do what makes you happier. Don’t accept guilt from others. You need to process your grief and to heal. No one else can heal you – You need to heal from the inside.
If you do want to go to the party, or feel like you must, make sure everyone knows you want your loved one to be remembered.
I felt really super blessed when my nephew brought up a memory of my son, right out of the blue. No one told him to. I will always remember and appreciate that. It validated my grief in a way that didn’t make me feel sad. In fact, I felt better. I felt like I was loved, understood, and comforted.
When you get those chills from spirit, It’s your loved one saying, “Yes, I am here! I hear you and I love you”.